From Self-Criticism to Self-Love : Transforming Your Inner Dialogue.
Have you ever noticed how harshly we can treat ourselves? We often hold ourselves to impossible standards of perfectionism, expecting to eat right, be kind, create success, keep a spotless home, raise well-behaved children, maintain a passionate marriage, and accomplish a myriad of tasks—all at once. These unrealistic expectations leave little room for off days, tired moments, bad moods, and unforeseen challenges that derail us from our goals.
In our pursuit of perfection, we forget the importance of joy, inner peace, and freedom. We construct a mental prison and unwittingly lock ourselves inside. Countless nights I’ve awoken to the sound of my internal critic at her most vicious, tying my thoughts into painful knots. This relentless negative voice is all too familiar for many of us.
Three years ago, I stumbled upon a book about self-compassion. Since then, I’ve dedicated myself to practicing its principles and transforming my inner dialogue through various methods. Hypnotherapy, in particular, accelerated my progress, but the inner critic remained cunning and persistent. She wielded tools of shame and guilt, attacking relentlessly. However, my inner cheerleader grew stronger.
Today, I find myself soothing and encouraging after facing challenges instead of tearing myself apart. How did this transformation happen? Surprisingly, it’s simpler than you might think. Like any significant change, it starts with awareness and focus on the issue.
When the critic strikes, I now let my inner cheerleader take over. “That must have been really hard for you. You will do better next time. We learn from our mistakes. You are loved. I love you. Everyone has big feelings and emotions because we are human. We can’t be perfect all the time. You are allowed to rest.”
Accompanying these affirmations, I use physical gestures to comfort myself: placing a hand over my heart, on my solar plexus, or on my belly. These actions create a sense of being soothed, protected, and loved.
You might wonder, does practicing self-compassion make me selfish, guilt-free, and unfiltered? Quite the opposite. Just like having a coach who encourages rather than berates, self-compassion motivates me to do more good and loving things. I feel peaceful and joyful inside. I can make mistakes and repair them, and I honestly feel like I make fewer mistakes, allowing me more freedom to create, fail, and try again—or succeed and savor that success.
Who knew that being kinder to myself would unlock such profound changes? Embracing self-compassion has been a game-changer, transforming my life from the inside out.